Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
