its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize