i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
