Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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