..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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