New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
even my farts smell like vagina
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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