I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
