well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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