I am puke
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize