Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
