i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You can't just leave with hair like that
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize