I wanna bring you to show and tell
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
