these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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