Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
