Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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