she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
