You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
