Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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