mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
