Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
