dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
