im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Michael Bay diarrhea
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
