fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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