i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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