Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
