the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
