In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize