smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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