3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
