You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
