He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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