No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
