I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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