I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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