i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize