She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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