You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
