She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
