Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize