WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
