We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
