you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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