If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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