I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
