Just cropdusted the office
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
