you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
