i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
