i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize