Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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