We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
