She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Randomize
