The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
A bitchslap is in order.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
