Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
