I can tuck mytits in my pants
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
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