tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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