I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
