You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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