how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm like, not good at living.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
