You're so nebulous sometimes
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
