i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
