Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
