Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Screwed.edu
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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