I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize