Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
