There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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