Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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