Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
