i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize