I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
