well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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