You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
