he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
